


I don't ask questions and I don't tell no lies

by emilia_kaisa



Series: you're the reason why [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Complicated Relationships, Internal Monologue, Not Beta Read, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28680453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Do I love him? Of course I do.Will you ever understand? I don't think so.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: you're the reason why [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591051
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	I don't ask questions and I don't tell no lies

**Author's Note:**

> Written during sleepless night when my brain turned into angsty mush. There is no real plot so it's not needed to read the first fic of the series, but I think they compliment each other well.

I've been asked about him a million times, I guess. It's understandable if sometimes annoying still, even after all these years, even though we're so far away from each other now and I can't give you any inside information you crave. But you still want to know, don't you? You still have questions you wish I answered differently, wish I slip, give you something more.

And you know what? It's your lucky day.

It was never easy, between us. We're so different, me and Yuzuru, and maybe that's the reason we work so well, why we clicked since the very beginning. It's kind of funny right now to look back at that kid I used to be, so naive and with absolutely no idea what was going to happen. And now I'm here, and sometimes I feel like my body can't hold all the memories and feelings, like I'm just about to fall apart under the weight of the last ten years.

But well, you're not here to listen only about me, right?

I can barely remember the first time we met, but I think I can still see it, that wide smile and hair falling into his eyes. We were so young back then, and who would have guessed that we would end up like that, tied with bonds so tight it's impossible to break them, even though we tried, but in the end it only taught us they we would always come back to each other, like two hopeless stars forming one constellation.

I don't think that I believe in fate, but sometimes it feels like we were always destined to find each other, that there was never any other way for both of us. That we had to be in each other's life.

That we had to love each other.

And here it is, plain and simple, and true.

He loves me and I love him, and I can't really explain when and how it began, I just know that it will never end. We might not be together, but it doesn't make that love any less important or weaker. If anything, I can feel it getting stronger, as if all the physical distance between us was somehow bringing our hearts together.

Oh, do I miss him?

How can I begin to explain that one? How can I tell you how it feels, not to be able to breathe the same air, how wrong it is, not hearing his laughter or touching his hand?

It's not like we ever talked about it. It's not like we had to, because we knew, one day we just looked at each other and we just knew. I am his and he is mine, and that's all we have, the only thing that is sure in this world for us. Because we knew that since the very beginning and it never changed, no matter how hard it was sometimes, to be around each other, how loud we screamed or how much we cried.

It was always going to be us.

And even though we can't touch each other, I still carry him with me.

I always will.

“-Javier?”

Javi blinked, focusing his gaze on the woman standing in front of him, noticing her nervous smile and how tightly she was clutching her clipboard. She was probably weirded out about his behaviour, and Javi surpressed a sigh and smiled, hoping to reassure her.

“I’m sorry. I drifted away for a moment, but I’m ready to go.”

She nodded, clearly more relaxed, and Javi followed her outside of the room, making sure his media smile was surely plastered to his face.

He didn’t like to lie. 

But that was exactly what he was going to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
